How Do You Do It?

The comment "Girl, I don't know how you do it." has been said to me many times. So I decided to respond to that statement in this blog.

As all parents know, parenting any child has it challenges. Parenting is filled with ups and downs, right ways and wrong ways. None of us get it right all the time. We all make decisions every day to help our children be happy, healthy and successful. Parenting a child with Primary Immunodeficiency Disease isn't really that much different than parenting a "normal child" when you look at the whole picture.

When my child was a baby, I changed countless diapers and got up in the middle of the night for the middle of the night feedings and took my naps when she napped, just like any other parent does. I doted over her and shared her pictures to all that would see, just like any other parent does. I have been the dance class mom, the soccer mom, the softball mom and the myriad of other activities that a child can enlist in, just like any other parent. I have sat with her and helped with homework and have discovered that I, in fact, am not smarter than a 5th grader. We play with them, we do projects with them. We are their chauffeur to their many activities and birthday parties. We become their doctor and nurse in times of illness. We take care of their needs and most of their wants. We laugh, we cry, we worry, we love them with all that we have. We do all this because of our love for our children and our deep desire to teach them the things they will need in order to face the world on their own. So you see, when you look at the whole big picture, my job as a parent is no different than anyone else.

One of our projects while at home recovering from strep.

It's only when you break that big picture down to smaller snapshots that it changes a little. I have snapshots of helping to hold her down to have IV's put in her arm because she is sick with pneumonia, but I hold her down because that's what is needed to help her get better. I have a snapshot of her being carried off for surgery to put tubes in her ears because she has had 7 ear infections in 4 months, but I do that because it will make her better. I have a snapshot of her being wheeled away to have her tonsils removed because she has had countless bouts with strep, but I do that because it will make her better. I have snapshots of the countless blood draws over the last 9 years but I do that because I know its how her health is monitored to make sure I can do what's best for her. I have snapshots of more hand sanitizer and disinfecting sprays than any one human should own. If smell could be incorporated in a snapshot it would smell of bleach, the ultimate house cleaning disinfectant. There would be many, many snapshots of doctor visits and ER visits. There would be snapshots of daily medicines. Snapshots of meetings with school administrators and teachers about 504 Plans. I do all these things because I know it's what will help her get better.

The statement, "Girl, I don't know how you do it", should actually be directed at my daughter, for it is she that gets sick all the time. It is she that gets stuck with the needles all the time. It is she that has to go to the doctor and ER all the time. It is she that has to take six medicines daily, every day. It is she that has difficulty waking up in the morning because her head and body aches all the time. It is she that, even though some days are harder than others, she gets up and she gets through the day, every day. You see, she is the amazing one to endure the life of chronic illness. All I do is what any other parent would do: I support her in any way I can. I remind her to take her meds. I drive her to the doctor or ER. I am there for her when she cries because some days it gets a little overwhelming. I do what ever is needed at any given time.

When placed in a world that decisions have to be made daily to protect your child, a parent will do what is necessary to protect their child without a second though about it. Even though, my snapshots may include much more medical mumbo jumbo than the normal family, I do no more for my child than any parent would do for their child if faced with the same circumstances. Only our daily routines are different but the ultimate goal is the same: you do what you need to do to raise a happy, healthy, ready to face the world child.